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An unusual and uplifting experience of trust
Tuesday, May 31st, 2011
Greetings from Hong Kong!
I am here for a few weeks visiting my daughter. As with all the metropolitan cities in our world today, it is forever evolving. But as HK is still disparagingly described as a cultural desert, I didn’t expect to encounter a giant international Art fair.
So, in spite of jet-lag I spent my first 3 days here happily lost in an art lovers paradise. On the last day, my daughter fell for a stunning limited edition print by a famous contemporary artist. Buying expensive art works is not normal a pastime for either of us but if it is for you, you may not be as surprised as we were by this following experience.
After a couple of hours of agonising to-buy-or-not-to-buy deliberation, my daughter took the plunge. On declaring her intention to buy, we were both staggered to hear from the gallery owner (a complete stranger from the UK across the side of the world) that she could walk away immediately with this expensive picture without parting with a penny or signing any commitment. He explained that they were confident that she would send them the money later. On seeing our mouths drop open, he reassured us that this was the way they liked to work. They preferred to operate on a basis of trust. He refused the offer of a handsome deposit and instead insisted on carrying the picture to a taxi for us.
On the way home we roared with laughter at the ‘naiveté’ of this method of doing business. But once our cynical gut-reaction had dissipated, we began to appreciate the great feeling that being trusted had given us. In the wake of its emotional glow, we started to reflect on other similar uplifting experiences we had with people whom we didn’t know. We shared story after story of occasions when trust had been honoured and also when we had benefitted from a stranger’s honesty in the face temptation. You could build a small mountain from the bags, purses, passports, jewellery,wallets, suitcases and items of beloved clothing that had been lost but which had all been promptly returned by nameless people looking for no material reward.
Don’t worry, I am not about to suggest that we should all take up the business model of this unusual art gallery. But I did wake up this morning thinking that this experience had given me an important reminder worth sharing. I’d forgotten what powerful mood-lifters such experiences of trust and honesty can be. When our ’souls’ are so battered and bruised by daily doses of depressing examples of human behaviour, perhaps we should share the opposite kinds experiences more widely and more frequently.
Confidence Boosts for Festive social events: Tip 1 – Stimulate your memory
Thursday, December 16th, 2010
Traumatic stresses (like party panic!), provoke an anxiety reaction in the brain which may inhibit the imprinting of memories. This is why you may not remember names and other important facts you hear when you first meet someone at a social networking event. Be aware of this and ensure you give your memory a helping hand and use these tips.
- repeat names as often as is appropriate after an introduction and using them again when you say goodbye
- ask how a name is spelt or if it is a diminutive
- make a link in your mind or out loud to another person with the same or similar name e.g.‘I had a very close friend at school who was also called David – he’s also an accountant now
- link the person’s name to a picture in your mind e.g.to remember David from Wales you could see his name on a flag on top of Snowdonia.
…and if you still forget, just simply admit it with smile and very brief apology. No need to include a possibly off-putting self-put-down such as “I’ve got a terrible memory.”
Adpated from: ‘Confident Networking’ by Gael and Stuart Lindenfield – new edition Piatkus 2010
Friday, December 3rd, 2010
It is hard to believe that a new decade of this millennium is already fast approaching. The older I get the more challenging I find these kinds of life milestone become. But because this new decade is launching in a climate of severe economic gloom, I know that it is going to be even harder. Indeed, the choruses of gloomy media predictions have now begun and I can feel myself already being emotionally infected with negativity. I know that I am going to have to work even harder to keep my own morale in good enough shape to be able to see the positive possibilities of the next decade. But I am determined to do so and moreover, I am totally confident that I will succeed.
Sounds arrogant? I hope not. It has taken many years to achieve this kind of faith in myself. It was finally cemented into my psyche when I flipped through the finished edition of my latest book earlier this year. I realised just how many tricks and techniques I could now pull out of my life-skills bag to fight off encroaching negativity. I felt very lucky and very privileged.
In order to share this treasured knowledge a bit more widely, I am currently trying to get to grips with the Twitter and Blogging world. Top on my list of resolutions for 2011 is to make use of these great new communication tools. But I am still very much in the dunce department of this field. Luckily my publishers Piatkus are helping me to get moving. They are currently Tweeting regular tips from my book (“101 Morale Boosters – Instant Comfort for Difficult times”) as well as providing lots of other information about other uplifting books. Clicking here will take you straight to their Twitter page: http://twitter.com/piatkusbooks
… and why not become one of my Twitter followers as well. Right now my resolution feels quite daunting and I am in need of loads of encouragement!
Click here to get to my own Twitter page :
I plan to post tips on coping with Christmas stress and also how to make the best of all the end and start of New Year social opportunities.
Lots of luck and good wishes
The Psychological Workout series of podcasts
The following 3 Podcasts were originally made as tapes. Gael had many requests over the last few years for these to be recorded so that you can listen on your computer or ipod. She is planning to make some new podcasts but if you need help right now these original ones could be very useful.
Each podcast is a psychological workout so you will find that there are interactive exericises. This will ensure that you will be actively involved as you listen. This interaction will make your learning much more effective. They can be used over and over again to give yourself a boost when you are going through a difficult patch or have some daunting challenge to face.
As they were originally made as tapes, you will sometimes hear Gael refer to side one (the first half of the podcast) and side two (the second half).
Do you need help with improving self confidence?
The Super Confidence Workout
Podcast length: 62mins | Download size: 45mb
This podcast will help you to learn about the 8 specific components of Super Confidence. You will be helped to develop these by doing some Affirmation exercises.
In the second half of the podcast you will be talked through a powerful creative visualisation. This particular exercise has already given many hundreds of people confidence boosts and helped them perform better in a whole variety of situations. You can play it the night before any challenging event such as giving a presentation, doing an exam, attending an interview or having a nerve-racking but essential conversation either at work or in your personal life.
You can purchase The Super Confidence Workout podcast for just £5 by clicking on the button below:
Do you need help with anger management?
The Anger Control Workout
Podcast length: 65mins | Download size: 45mb
This is a psychological workout to help you control anger and use your frustration positively. The first half is a programme of interactive exercises to help you feel and express justified anger in a way which does not harm yourself or others. It will be very beneficial to anyone who gets depressed due their repressed anger.There are guidelines on how to recognise and anger management techiniques which will help you to replace aggressive and passive styles of expressing your frustration and anger.
The second half of the podcast (side 2 of the original tape) will prepare you for any situation where you think you may become angry. It will help you to keep your feelings under control, diffuse tension and use the energy of your anger constructively.
In its life as a tape many hundreds of people were helped by this workout. Some had problems expressing their anger and would just swallow their feelings. So it proved very helpful to people who tended to become depressed or physically tense and ill as a result.
Others who have had anger issues such as expressing their anger too readily or too aggressively, have also found this tape very beneficial. This anger audio was used extensively by the prison service and Gael has had many letters of thanks from prisoners who had previously found it hard controlling anger.
You can purchase this anger management programme for just £5 by clicking on the button below:
Do you want an extra boost of optimism and positive thinking to get you motivated?
The Positive Power Workout
Podcast length: 77mins | Download size: 52mb
This is a psychological workout to beat the blues. It has been particularly helpful to people who are prone to depression. It has also proved to be very helpful to others who are normally quite upbeat but have become stuck in a negative thinking rut as a result of a difficult setback. So it is an ideal programme for someone who, for example, has become dispirited because they have had an overly long search for a new job or a new partner in love.
Research has shown that you are much more likely to find what you are looking for if you think positively. But sometimes this is hard to do when you have had repeated failures or are very anxious. You can use the last half of this podast as a mind and mood re-programmer. You will be taken into a state of deep relaxation and then you will listen to a stream of uplifting and inspirational quotes.
You can purchase The Positive Power Workout podcast for just £5 by clicking on the button below:
Free Confident Networking Podcasts
Gael, together with her husband Stuart made a series of 10 minute podcasts for the pharmaceutical company Astra Zeneca who have kindly given us permission to make these publicly available. They can be downloaded free of charge. The first two feature Gael and the third features Stuart who is the co-author of ‘Confident Networking’.
Click on the links below to play a podcast, or right-click on a link to download (select ’save target as’):
What is Networking?
Networking in Action
The Expert Networker